Dynasty Dudes

Category: Uncategorized

  • Week 1 Roast Recap

    Week 1 Roast Recap

    Howie Roseman’s Disciples (152.74) vs WR U (133.04)
    Mahomes (27) was dealing dimes like he was sponsored by DoorDash, while Bijan (21.4) and Myles Garrett (21) bullied WR U into submission. The Disciples looked holy, but Justin Jefferson’s 12.8 felt more like Judas betraying them mid-game. Meanwhile, WR U? Burrow (9.8) looked like he was still hungover from preseason, and Ja’Marr Chase (3.6) put up numbers that scream “bench me before I hurt you.” Tyreek Hill with just 6 points? That’s not a cheetah — that’s a house cat. WR U failed the entrance exam.

    The New – New Jersey Jets (166.40) vs The Irishman (128.22)
    The Jets came out swinging like they were playing for Aaron Rodgers’ approval. Michael Penix (24) was dropping bombs, Brock Bowers (16.3) proved rookie tight ends aren’t supposed to suck, and Breece Hall (15.5) looked ready to carry this squad. On the other side, The Irishman’s Caleb Williams (25.2) did his part, but Mark Andrews (1.5) was basically running cardio. Tee Higgins (4.8) was equally useless, probably still mad about contract talks. Jets are flying, Irishman is stuck in customs.

    B Boys (118.26) vs 404 Team Name Not Found (132.18)
    Herbert (30.9) did everything short of suiting up on defense, but Bo Nix (4.8) was allergic to touchdowns. DK Metcalf (10.3) and Waddle (5.0) weren’t much better — more like “B-minus Boys.” On the other side, Derrick Henry (27.7) stomped through defenders like he was back in Alabama, while CeeDee Lamb (14.5) and Marvin Harrison Jr. (15.6) kept the scoreboard ticking. 404 Team Name Not Found? More like 132 reasons why you don’t need a team name to hand out an ass-kicking.

    Action Jackson (174.66) vs Ted’s Toys (102.94)
    Lamar Jackson (31.4) and Zay Flowers (24.6) treated Ted’s Toys like a personal highlight reel. Add in Christian McCaffrey’s casual 19.2 and Nick Bosa’s 21, and Action Jackson looked like the Monstars from Space Jam. Meanwhile, Ted’s Toys? Rhamondre Stevenson (3.7) was straight-up stealing paychecks, and Marvin Mims (-0.3) actually subtracted points. The “toys” are clearly broken. Time to hit the fantasy waiver wire Walmart clearance section.

    Sneaky Ed & The Bandits (155.04) vs Titanic VII (169.66)
    Josh Allen (40.8) was in “I hate turnovers” mode, but Jalen Hurts (24.3) and Deebo (19.1) couldn’t stop Ed’s Bandits from getting sunk by Titanic VII. Baker Mayfield (25.6) came out of nowhere like a drunk uncle at a cookout, Saquon (16.4) remembered he’s supposed to be elite, and Courtland Sutton (16.1) shocked everyone by being relevant. Titanic didn’t sink — they turned Sneaky Ed into lifeboat debris.

    Escarole & Beans (63.90) vs Never Surrender (105.42)
    Escarole & Beans put up 63.9 points, which is the fantasy equivalent of showing up to a gunfight with a spoon. Stafford (13.6) tried, but Sean Tucker (0.2) and Devin Neal (0.9) combined for less than the price of a gumball. Never Surrender didn’t even look good, but with Juwan Johnson (15.6) and Harold Landry (20.5) leading the way, it was more than enough. Escarole & Beans? More like Escarole & Dumpster Fire.

    Week 1 Power Rankings (Record + Performance)

    1. Action Jackson (1-0, 174 pts) – Lamar, Flowers, CMC, Bosa… this team’s a fantasy cheat code.
    2. Titanic VII (1-0, 169 pts) – If Baker Mayfield keeps this up, we’re living in a simulation.
    3. The New – New Jersey Jets (1-0, 166 pts) – Penix + Breece + Bowers = the real “Gang Green.”
    4. Howie Roseman’s Disciples (1-0, 152 pts) – Mahomes saves them weekly, Jefferson ghosting hurts.
    5. Sneaky Ed & The Bandits (0-1, 155 pts) – Best 0-1 team, unlucky to face Titanic.
    6. 404 Team Name Not Found (1-0, 132 pts) – Henry keeps them afloat, WR depth scary good.
    7. WR U (0-1, 133 pts) – If Burrow and Chase wake up, this team rises fast.
    8. The Irishman (0-1, 128 pts) – Caleb’s a stud, but Higgins/Andrews laid eggs.
    9. B Boys (0-1, 118 pts) – Herbert can’t save them from Bo Nix-ing it up.
    10. Ted’s Toys (0-1, 102 pts) – Negative points from Mims… just sad.
    11. Never Surrender (1-0, 105 pts) – Won ugly, but at least didn’t score 63.
    12. Escarole & Beans (0-1, 63 pts) – Less fantasy team, more fantasy graveyard.

  • Playoffs – Week 2

    Im

    I am currently 10,000 feet above New Jersey looking for drones. It was the only way to get over my playoff defeat. Ed has a hell of a team but I’m a terrible GM. If I find any signs of alien life I’ll probably ask them to take me with them. Or if I find the nuke I’ll detonate it. Horrible showing from 404.

    RECAPS

    404 vs Sneaky Ed

    Ed’s team is a wagon. Josh Allen might be the best player of all time. But leaving 38 points on the bench and losing by 38 is a real kick in the dick. Bryce young is a piece of shit.

    Action Jackson vs Howie

    Lamar is the best player in the league. Not sure what position he plays but it’s incredible that he’s still not been murdered. He didn’t have much of a fight against Howie who got a whopping -4 points from his Browns players. Hey Nick let me know what the price of Jameis is now #brendanwasright

    Escarole v Titanic

    I really don’t know how 2 QBs combine for 4 points and you still put up 170. I haven’t done the actual math but someone should check sleeper and make sure the Titanic is still sailing. An unfortunate waste of 38 points from Devante by the Beans.

    WEEK 2

    WRU v Action Jackson

    Not only is Lamar playing WRU, he also has the Steelers IRL. Talk about a shit match up. The rich will keep getting richer as WRU will role on the backs of 80 points from Burrow and Chase.

    Sneaky Ed vs Titanic

    Sneaky Ed has been my pick all year. I don’t see myself changing now. Allen is elite and Hurts is in some weird “am i elite / can I really throw” tier. Is Allen is an A5 Wagyu, Hurts as a USDA Prime Tomahawk. Both amazing. Keep an eye on Mayfield and Evans against the shitbag cowboys – we could easily see a 50 burger from Big Mike against that shitbag defense.

  • Dynasty Dudes – Playoffs Week 1

    Playoffs

    The playoffs are upon us. 7 teams in the hunt, with one (unless Damar Hamlin dies again) lifting the trophy as league champion.

    Let’s get into the matchups:

    (1)WRU – Bye: No shock to anyone reading my preseason power rankings but WRU gets the 1 seed and an auto ticket to the semi finals. Am I kicking myself for trading Jamar to him on a whim because I wanted the Dak stack? Yes, yes I am. HOWEVA we are putting WRU on upset alert. Jamar and Joe will sit out once the Bengals are eliminated and I will be vindicated for making this horrible trade. Also Kyler sucks and is ruining Marv.

    (2)Sneaky Ed (-250) vs (7)Escarole and Beans (+210)

    Sneaky Ed is not sneaky. This team is a WAGON. Allen and Hurts combo is head and shoulders above any other QB combo in the league. The supporting cast is strong. The regular season points leader is looking for an easy round 1 win against the 7 seed who they just put the smackdown on in week 14. Poor Escarole and Beans, getting this matchup 2 times in a row. They will need a monster game from Kamara and Mixon to have a chance. One thing to keep an eye on – Allen and Hurts have some tough matchups this week against the Lions and Steelers. Even so, Sneaky Ed rolls.

    (3) Titanic VII (-200) vs (6) 404 (+170)

    The Titanic wouldn’t have sunk if the iceberg was hit by Titanic VII’s backfield. Saquon and Jacobs are leading the way. And that Baker Mayfield, man he just knows how to compete. Leads his guys into battle. On the other side, 404 is looking to turn around a disappointing season. Who would have thought, a playoff team being lead by Sam Darnold and Bryce Young! It will need to be a team effort, and maybe 1.1 Marv will finally have a big game when needed the most. Prediction: Some tough matchups across the board here – a shootout between Lions and Bills leads 404 to victory. No bias in this pick.

    (4) Howie’s Disciples (-110) vs Action Jackson (+110)

    After a debacle in 2023 The Disciples finally found their Jesus. They may need him to turn some water into wine after a few untimely injuries, but who better to give the Sermon on the Mount than Jameis! With Carr fracturing his hand, only one man can bring Howie home. On the other side, Action Jackson is going to be looking for a monster game from Lamar and Zay. If Russ can also cook, I like their chances. Prediction: Jameis, easy.